If you want to walk on water.....

Well, I was really stumped on this one!



I really didn't feel like God was calling me to adopt. After all, taking care of our three kids was already a lot of work! But, I vowed to keep an open mind to His leading and to pray about it.



Now, work was really busy, and I must admit Shelly was thinking and praying about this way more than me. But then, God pulled a really dirty trick..... As a Small Group Leader in our church, we started to read a book called, "If you want to walk on water, you've gotta get out of the boat", by John Ortberg. In this book and DVD study, Ortberg used Matthew 14:25 - 32 to illustrate that true faith in Christ is not demonstrated by staying in the boat and waiting for him to help us. Instead, he wants us to step out of the boat (even while the storms are still blowing) and trust him. Peter did that (at least at first). He obeyed Christ and stepped out in faith even while the waves were crashing around him.



During the course of this study, I became more aware of what was holding me back from saying yes to Shelly. Basically, it all boiled down to fear vs. faith. I had lots to fear about adopting a child.... fears of what the child would be like, what her background would be, what baggage she would carry into our family. Fears of Shelly having a re-lapse and then I'd be a father of 4 kids AND a blind or disabled wife again. All of these fears were juxtaposed against my faith.... I knew God was capable of handling all these things and more, but was I convinced he would?



After several months of praying, thinking and reading, I honestly didn't feel God leading me in either direction. In all honesty, I never did "hear his voice". However, the more I talked to Shelly and the more I read about "getting out of the boat" the more convinced I became that my wife was experiencing a direct calling from God. I knew that she was being obedient to His leading, just like Peter was. Who was I to get in the way of that! Since I searched my soul and could find no good reason to say no, and since I was sure that this was God's leading on my wife's heart, I finally told Shelly "yes" in December of 2007.



Our adoption journey had officially begun......