Shelly's Story - My Adoption Journey Begins

Blind Faith? What's that all about, you might be thinking. Well, for most people, deciding to adopt a child is a huge decision that requires a ton of faith.................... For me, blind faith has a dual meaning.
You see, in February of 2001, about a year after being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, I lost all vision in my right and then eventually in my left eye. We sought help from many doctors & specialists, and came to learn that my vision was 20/400 in both eyes. I'll never forget the truthful, yet foreboding words my Optic Neurologist said..."This has about 6 months to get better. If it's not improved in 6 months, you'll likely be blind forever." Well, six months came and went, with no improvement in my vision. To say this trial tested my faith is an understatement. Every day was a constant battle in my mind.... thoughts of never seeing my children's smiling faces again or never reading a book or my bible again were constantly invading my thought life. I had such a great sense of loss as I had to stop driving, give up my career as a veterinarian, and become totally dependent on others for the most simple of tasks like getting groceries. There were some dark days, for sure, but eventually I grew to accept the fact that this was God's will for my life. I began each day by giving it to the Lord. I called upon my faith to carry me through each day. One verse that carried me through was 2 COR 12:9, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." I began to see Christ reflected through the actions of others. My church family showered us with blessings and support; my friend Jody setup a network of people to drive to the grocery store every couple of weeks; my neighbor Pat took me on countless trips to the doctor and other "unplanned" outings. God was meeting all of my needs, not necessarily all of my wants. As I grew more used to the idea of being blind, I sought and received help from the Association for the Blind , who taught me Braille and provided occupational therapy training to manage household chores. They even provided a CCTV Reading system that blew up newspaper print to about 4" tall.



So, although I never grew completely comfortable being disabled, I came to accept my lot in life. My husband and I decided that life shouldn't come to a grinding halt because of this impairment, but that we should continue to live life to the full. With a great deal of prayer and some trepidation, we decided to seek God's blessing for a second child in our family. Once again, the Lord was generous to us and provided Zachary on November 11, 2002. What a perfect little miracle from the Lord! Then, after 2 more years of blindness, God blessed us again with Jacob on February 17, 2005. Amazingly, I'd been blind for four years by this time!



Then, during those many long nights of rocking the boys to sleep, God began to put on my heart a mysterious aching for children that didn't have a mommy or daddy to rock them to sleep. Given my condition, I initially tried to ignore the thought. In fact, I thought the whole idea was so silly that I didn't even mention it to Steve. I remember arguing with God in my mind; no-one would ever let us adopt with my physical impairment. But, God kept prodding me with this aching feeling for orphans. It just kept getting stronger! I tried my very best to rationalize this desire away .... Why would God put this desire on my heart if it wasn't going to be possible? Maybe He's really just calling me to find some other way of advocating for orphans? On and on, this wrestling match with God went for many months.



Then, in the fall of 2005, after 4 and 1/2 years of complete blindness, I noticed a slight improvement in the vision in my left eye! Just very slight at first... in fact, I questioned if there was any improvement at all. The improvement was real, however, albeit very slow. By the winter of 2006, I was certain that my sight was gradually returning in my left eye! Eventually, I was able to read again! How wonderful it was to read God's word again!!!! (Reminds me that His word is a BLESSING and we should never take for granted our ability to read it!) I began to just bathe myself in His Word, after going so long without being able to read it. Of course, after being blind for over 4 years, I didn't want to let myself believe that my sight was returning. We saw several doctors during this healing period and obtained objective evidence that my eyesight improving. Finally, in May of 2006, I mustered up the courage to take a driver's vision test. I could hardly bear the thought of failing, but, by God's amazing grace, I passed!! I was able to reactivate my driver's license and soon after began to drive again!!! What a feeling of freedom!! I was independent once again!!!! Praise God!!!



Throughout all the euphoria of this miraculous healing, my aching desire for orphans remained ever constant. I finally began to see more of the picture that God was painting on the canvass of my life. Now that I could drive again, and with my vision almost completely returned, I began to sense that the aching feeling God had sent my way over a year ago was truly a calling from Him to adopt an orphan! Of course, I continued to pray and seek God's will in this matter. But I just couldn't shake the feeling that I was being called to adopt a child.



One question really remained in my mind..... What would Steve think about this?